Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Shoe Stories of Claudia Lynch

[I told you there would be shoes!]

They're not all fairy tale shoes, and by fairy tale shoes I don't mean shoes fairy tale characters would wear. To quote The Times-Picayune:
"...not so much what Snow White would wear, mind you, but what Snow White would be if she were a shoe."
Claudia Lynch is known for designing and illustrating fanciful shoes, most being unlikely to ever be made, let alone worn, but she has a wonderful story for each. Better still, now you can carry them around. Claudia Lynch has officially become a bag lady. (You can buy at least one of them at here. Her "Siamese Shoe" - pictured at the top of this post - is currently under 'totes'.)

Again from The Times-Picayune:
"Lynch accompanies each illustration with witty narratives, filled with puns, just under-the-covers innuendo and intentional typos, that bring the shoes to life. On the surface, the illustrations are PG, but an adult viewer's imagination can easily make them quite a bit more racy."
Here are three examples:

Cinderella Skate

"Hi, Handsome. I had a ball last night."

"Me too, Pumpkin." I was a little surprised to hear from her after her disappearing act the night before.

"You're a real prince," she said. "Maybe I'll see you again some time." With that, she hung up.

I couldn't get her out of my mind. There was something phony about this dame. It was almost as if she'd been coached. And I had the nagging feeling I'd seen her somewhere before. But where?

Just before midnight, it struck me.

"I'll be seeing you, all right, Pumpkin," I thought. I might be a real prince, but I was on to her, and I wasn't going to be able to let her skate on this one.

Red Riding Hood Shoe

"Hello, Red. Nice outfit."

As she sashayed past, I let out a discreet whistle. In this neck of the woods, that was still considered a compliment.

"What's in the goody basket?"

"Nothing you'll ever get to sink your big teeth into," she winked. "My Grandma always told me to look out for wolves like you."

"That's good advice," I said. As I watched her skip away, I wondered if I'd ever work up the nerve to aks her out on a date.

Snow White Shoe

She'd taken a big bite out of my ego.

"You're a small, dopey, rotten man!" she shouted. "Why are all men so rotten?"

She was the one to talk. As I dodged the contents of the fruit bowl, I reflected on what she'd said. Bruised ego aside, I didn't think I deserved it. Not all of it, anyway.

"You're not exactly Snow Whitte. Who died and left you queen?"

"That's not fair."

But it was. Of all the things I'd ever wanted to say to her, it was the fairest of them all.

For more shoes and stories go visit her wonderful website here.
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